Were I Godde

Musings of an ancient wounded healer after a lifetime of listening
Were I Godde I would dive 
into the darkest shadows  
of being human, 
into profound pain, 
outrageous loss, 
unbearable suffering, 
embracing all the tears and the joy I could find, 
and I would swim towards Light taking with me 
as much of the brokenness everywhere and of all time 
as I could gather. 
Were I Godde I would live in despair and in hope.  
I would be  the inspiration of a poem, 
the rainbow, the dew on the grass, 
the color of fall, the gentle breeze, 
the kind word, the tender touch,  
the laughter of children. 
I would abide in every flower, 
every seed, every cry and sigh, 
I would be the possibility of  each new moment. 
I would be weakness finding strength, 
never lording it over others, 
but in every humble service, 
pitching my tent among the poor, 
preferring the outsiders. 
I would nestle in vulnerability:  
risking and giving Self. 
Were I Godde I would hide 
so subtly within all creation 
that I could never be caught. 
I would be so unutterable 
as to resist being talked about, 
and hate the name "God" 
remembering the oppression 
done in my name. 
I would exist beyond any word 
any symbol, any possible expression, 
but I would dwell in every human groan. 
I would avoid expected places: 
some pulpits, rituals, churches. 
I would never be snared 
by theology, religion or even prayer. 
No sacred book, system or creed could capture 
or contain Me-- my incomprehensible awful immensities. 
I would exist solely to be given away, 
with heart not mind, 
never to be comprehended or  
held by safe orthodoxy: 
far more verb than noun. 
I would be yearning for freedom, 
passion for justice, thirsting for peace, 
searching for truth, craving for affirmation, 
ardor for sharing, the making of love, 
and the ecstasy of surrender. 
I would be in every form of hurting 
and its transcendence. 
I would be gleamed in lowly favors, generosity, 
courage, simplicity, compassion 
but especially in forgiveness. 
I would be aborning ever new 
in the bruised and lonely heart. 
I would be found more in doubt than in certainty 
more in questioning than in righteousness. 
I would need to be intimately concealed 
because the human ego is so ready to use Me 
to elevate itself by judging others. 
I would despise the use of presumed truths about
Me to divide the human race, for every sectarian purpose. 

Were I Godde I would enjoy leaving clues, riddles 
and traces everywhere, being tracked only 
by valiant searchers. 
I would glory in the incompleteness  of my creatures 
and all of my creation, knowing that the human spirit 
I sustain could triumph over any human mess 
and bring love and equity even as I do, 
out of chaos. 
I would luv (sic) transforming futility. 

I would let myself be glimpsed in sunrises and sunsets 
in the wonders of nature planet earth 
--ship and voyager-- 
cosmic immensities  
galaxies and darkness, 
in human loving, 
yearning and striving, 
in quiet stillness and 
becoming little 
in EVERY human story. 

Christmas, 1991,1997.1998 Paschal Bernard Baute