Were I Godde
Musings of an ancient wounded healer after a lifetime of listening
Were I Godde I would dive into the darkest shadows of being human, into profound pain, outrageous loss, unbearable suffering, embracing all the tears and the joy I could find, and I would swim towards Light taking with me as much of the brokenness everywhere and of all time as I could gather. Were I Godde I would live in despair and in hope. I would be the inspiration of a poem, the rainbow, the dew on the grass, the color of fall, the gentle breeze, the kind word, the tender touch, the laughter of children. I would abide in every flower, every seed, every cry and sigh, I would be the possibility of each new moment. I would be weakness finding strength, never lording it over others, but in every humble service, pitching my tent among the poor, preferring the outsiders. I would nestle in vulnerability: risking and giving Self. Were I Godde I would hide so subtly within all creation that I could never be caught. I would be so unutterable as to resist being talked about, and hate the name "God" remembering the oppression done in my name. I would exist beyond any word any symbol, any possible expression, but I would dwell in every human groan. I would avoid expected places: some pulpits, rituals, churches. I would never be snared by theology, religion or even prayer. No sacred book, system or creed could capture or contain Me-- my incomprehensible awful immensities. I would exist solely to be given away, with heart not mind, never to be comprehended or held by safe orthodoxy: far more verb than noun. I would be yearning for freedom, passion for justice, thirsting for peace, searching for truth, craving for affirmation, ardor for sharing, the making of love, and the ecstasy of surrender. I would be in every form of hurting and its transcendence. I would be gleamed in lowly favors, generosity, courage, simplicity, compassion but especially in forgiveness. I would be aborning ever new in the bruised and lonely heart. I would be found more in doubt than in certainty more in questioning than in righteousness. I would need to be intimately concealed because the human ego is so ready to use Me to elevate itself by judging others. I would despise the use of presumed truths about Me to divide the human race, for every sectarian purpose. Were I Godde I would enjoy leaving clues, riddles and traces everywhere, being tracked only by valiant searchers. I would glory in the incompleteness of my creatures and all of my creation, knowing that the human spirit I sustain could triumph over any human mess and bring love and equity even as I do, out of chaos. I would luv (sic) transforming futility. I would let myself be glimpsed in sunrises and sunsets in the wonders of nature planet earth --ship and voyager-- cosmic immensities galaxies and darkness, in human loving, yearning and striving, in quiet stillness and becoming little in EVERY human story.
Christmas, 1991,1997.1998 Paschal Bernard Baute